One of my primary jobs as Family Ministries Administrator is to conduct and keep track of the background checks that we do on any individual who works with children at church. Nursery workers, Vacation Bible School volunteers, youth workers, Sunday school teachers... everyone. And, as a notorious "Mama Bear" - there is nothing more precious to me than keeping our kids safe, and to keep the church safe. A few weeks ago I called a couple and explained that I was conducting these background checks and needed some information from them... and I was met with a verbal attack unlike any other I had ever experienced. Accusing me of wanting their information for nefarious reasons, telling me that I was dealing with a corrupt company if they HAD to have this info to do the background check, etc. This tirade went on and on, and left me shaking, in tears, and emotionally bruised. I was indignant - how DARE they not support our mission to create a safe environment for our kids, no matter what the cost? How DARE they accuse me of being anything but honorable? How DARE they?
I wallowed in waves of self righteous indignation, buffeted by prayers for them, for what kind of lives must they have if they lived their lives this indignant and suspicious all the time.
Yesterday I saw this couple at church for the first time since the incident. I saw the wife first, and after chatting with her, she agreed to come into the office and give me the info I required, confidentially. As we left the office, I said "thank you for making this possible" to which she responded "I still think it is ridiculous" and walked off. Bruised... again. I walked back to where my husband was standing on the patio, and he said "Well?" I replied, "I'm tired - I need to just let it go." He just smiled, and we walked into church together.
All through the church service I felt the battle within. The desire to wallow in self righteous anger yet again, threatening to overwhelm and consume me... the grief of not getting the apology I felt I rightfully deserved for the verbal attack, and, if I'm going to be completely honest, the affirmation that my job of protecting the children is worthwhile and done well.
As I sat there, listening to the music, I cried out to the Lord "Heal me... take these feelings from me... Heal me Lord" Immediately, I heard a response in my heart - Jesus saying "How many times do you think people accused me of being something other than who I am? They accused me of being from Satan, my enemy! They didn't hear anything I said, they couldn't see anything beyond their own fears and expectations. And yet I loved them anyway. "
I broke down in tears as waves of the spirit came over me. I literally was being washed clean, as I cried "IT doesn't matter... all my petty feelings and expectations... if my Lord could withstand the judgements and misconceptions and accusations, then so can I. For who am I? I may never get an apology, but neither did my Lord, and that is ok" I walked out of the service with my heart refreshed - still tender, but the bruises healed.
As I walked back onto the patio, my boss came up to me and said "I want you to meet this person" and turned around, and introduced me to the husband, the one who had verbally attacked me. The first words out of his mouth were "I'm so sorry..." God's grace and mercy - I walked out of that church service with my self righteous indignation finally at rest, at peace with not getting an apology, and yet He gave it to me anyway. He is so good.
The wound is closed.
I wallowed in waves of self righteous indignation, buffeted by prayers for them, for what kind of lives must they have if they lived their lives this indignant and suspicious all the time.
Yesterday I saw this couple at church for the first time since the incident. I saw the wife first, and after chatting with her, she agreed to come into the office and give me the info I required, confidentially. As we left the office, I said "thank you for making this possible" to which she responded "I still think it is ridiculous" and walked off. Bruised... again. I walked back to where my husband was standing on the patio, and he said "Well?" I replied, "I'm tired - I need to just let it go." He just smiled, and we walked into church together.
All through the church service I felt the battle within. The desire to wallow in self righteous anger yet again, threatening to overwhelm and consume me... the grief of not getting the apology I felt I rightfully deserved for the verbal attack, and, if I'm going to be completely honest, the affirmation that my job of protecting the children is worthwhile and done well.
As I sat there, listening to the music, I cried out to the Lord "Heal me... take these feelings from me... Heal me Lord" Immediately, I heard a response in my heart - Jesus saying "How many times do you think people accused me of being something other than who I am? They accused me of being from Satan, my enemy! They didn't hear anything I said, they couldn't see anything beyond their own fears and expectations. And yet I loved them anyway. "
I broke down in tears as waves of the spirit came over me. I literally was being washed clean, as I cried "IT doesn't matter... all my petty feelings and expectations... if my Lord could withstand the judgements and misconceptions and accusations, then so can I. For who am I? I may never get an apology, but neither did my Lord, and that is ok" I walked out of the service with my heart refreshed - still tender, but the bruises healed.
As I walked back onto the patio, my boss came up to me and said "I want you to meet this person" and turned around, and introduced me to the husband, the one who had verbally attacked me. The first words out of his mouth were "I'm so sorry..." God's grace and mercy - I walked out of that church service with my self righteous indignation finally at rest, at peace with not getting an apology, and yet He gave it to me anyway. He is so good.
The wound is closed.
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